Two Hearts, One Soul
By Hawke Darkblade

Reprinted with permission.
Added 07/19/2002.

He stood there beneath the spire of the festival stone, his golden armor gleaming orange in the last light of the setting sun. He had removed his helmet to have a better view of this awesome spectacle before him, his short black hair almost unmoving in the faint summer breeze. The glowing spire of the festival stone, paled in comparison to the majesty of the waterfalls before him. And yet, even that awesome majesty paled in comparison to the golden haired woman standing beside him. She was dressed in a pristine white robe, given to her by her fiancée, his vassal, for her wedding night tomorrow eve. She was showing him the spot she had picked out for the ceremony he had planned. He was her Patron, as well as Monarch. He could not betray the trust they had bestowed upon him as Patron. And yet, he knew he would.

"There are words that I must say to you, words that I have kept back for three moons." he began, nearly choking on his own voice. His voice usually was regal and proud, fit for a Monarch. Tonight, he would be a man, with a voice filled with passion, and remorse. "There was a time, long ago, when I went on a quest. This quest turned to disaster, and we met in Hebian-To that evening, in the tower of the Archmage, where you consoled me with your words, by candlelight. Do you remember that day?" he asked.

"Aye, my Lord, I do." She said in her soft lilting voice. He could see it in her eyes, her blue-green eyes. Those eyes that many times he had fallen into before. Always he watched her eyes, beneath his helmet, never betraying his feelings, never betraying his oath as Monarch. He would betray it tonight. He knew in his heart, it felt right, what he was about to do, but was it Honorable?

"That night, I sat with you, you read my accounting of the dangers that did befall me in the Lost City. It was a tale of combat, betrayal, greed, and sorrow. But of that day, I can remember only the joy I felt for being near you. The smells were so strong. Your hair smelled like sweet perfume, and your eyes," he faltered, as he began to see a change in her eyes. Could this be possible, had she felt the same way towards him?

"My Lord, I know. I have felt this way as well, but I could not tell you," she began to cry.

"Please, M'lady do not cry," he said as they both sat down on the soft grass beneath the festival stone. He was faintly aware of it beginning to rain lightly. Moonlight began to play across her soft face, as he softly wiped a tear from her cheek with his hand. This hand, which was meant to destroy the Undead, which has wielded swords and spears with great fury against powerful Evils. This hand, which he slowly pulled away from her cheek, knowing he was destroying every shred of Honor that he had. "Please, do not cry my Lady", he said again, knowing that if he spoke her name, he would be lost forever. "But why have you never spoken this to me before?"

"I was afraid of rejection, my Lord," she said slowly, "And why have you not told me before?", she demanded, however softly.

"Because I am your Patron, and Monarch. It could not be!" he said fiercely, his tears mixing with the rain sliding down his face.

"But we are also Man and Woman, you should not have denied," she began as she reached up to brush the tears from his face, and he caught her wrist in his hand. She said no more, and waited, while the rain began to make her long golden hair cling to her face and neck.

He held her wrist, not knowing what to do, not wanting to let go, ever. But he knew that it was too late, he would betray her trust. He would betray the trust of her fiancée, also his vassal, whom he had sworn to protect, never had he known it would be to protect them from himself!

He quickly let go, and stood up. He kicked his helmet aside with the fury of Asheron's own thunder. "Oh my savior Asheron!" he screamed at the night sky, fist clenched toward the stars that were showing through the rain. "How could I have done this? Tonight, I follow my heart, but discard my Honor, and without Honor, I am NOTHING!" he continued knowing the next words, he would betray his secret to her, "For this, I shall throw myself into the pit of shadows, and face the Heretic alone, only then can I prove to you, Asheron, that I have regained my Honor in your eyes at least!"

"NAY!" she all but yelled as she stood up and turned him towards her. "I will not let you do this to us! To your followers! They depend on you! They need you! I..." she turned away from him and began to weep fiercely. He took her shoulders, and turned her around, pulling her close to him.

"Please, my Lady... do not cry. I promise not to go if you will not cry," he whispered softly to her face. He would give her the whole of Dereth if she would not cry. She felt his breath close on her face, he smelled her hair, and the same smell as on that snow covered evening they spent together by candlelight. They wordlessly locked eyes both filled with tears, then slowly kissed. Softly at first, and then passionately. The whole of Dereth slipped from their minds for those few short moments that turned into eons. The roar of the waterfall was but as the noise of a newly hatched miniature phyntos wasp, compared to the fire rushing through his head.

When they finished their embrace, they both stepped back, she feeling the fire within her heart flame to the heat of many suns. The feeling of what it must be like for a Lich Lord, as he slid his flaming sword through its head. And that's when he knew. That he would never speak the words that he was about to speak, again.

"My lady, I love you. I have always loved you, and as long as I live, I will love no other," he told her, as proudly as he could muster through his emotion choked voice.

"My lord, I love you, and there will always be a special place in my heart for you, and my soul", she said softly.

"We shall never speak of this again, for you are to be wed tomorrow. It is my duty perform the ceremony tomorrow night, and I shall," he began slowly, and swiftly picked up speed, "However I have betrayed my lord Asheron, I have betrayed myself, and now... I will betray you!" He watched as her eyes mirrored the horror in her soul, and as she was about to speak, he overstepped her words. "Tomorrow night, after the wedding, I will gather up a group of adventurers, and we shall go forth into the pit of shadows, and I will throw myself upon the Heretic, and either it or I shall survive, but not both, and I fear I will be lost to you, as I have lost myself."

"NAY!" she screamed, as tears streamed down her face, "YOU PROMISED YOU WOULD NOT!"

"Aye", he spoke calmly, his voice cracked with emotion, "but I have lied to your fiancée about ever telling you how I felt, and now I lie once again, as it serves my purpose. Perhaps I am not fit to lead the Order of Asheron; perhaps your future husband will take my place... Most likely I will be utterly destroyed in..." He did not finish his words, as she fled off into the night, crying.

"Asheron, what have I done?" he whispered to the night sky. It did not answer.

After the terrible occurrences of the previous evening's events (The marriage of my love to another, with dire consequences) I have repeatedly attempted to take my own life, thrusting the Sword of Lost Light through my heart. Each time, Asheron has recovered me to the last lifestone where my pain and sorrow could continue. Each time I then attempted to destroy myself, littering the ground around the lifestone with my corpses. Asheron would not let me go! It is the last time I shall speak HIS name, in the hopes that HE lets me go to the darkest pits in which I deserve to rot.

Was it enough that I have lost my best friend because of love? Nay, I have not only discarded my love, I have discarded my Honor, and all the Virtue I have ever known. My Paladinhood will never be a realization now, as I have no honor, perhaps the dark orders will accept me into their ranks.

I have set out upon the land to hopelessly wander until the unnamed-one sets me free from my worldly confines. I will throw myself at each shadow, in order to become one myself. Perhaps, in that dim half-life existence, I will know only the joy of slaying the living. My heart will still overshadow the blackness of that doom.

Armed with my trusty spears and sword, and hurt beyond reason by my repeated deaths, I shall go forth to seek the Heretic to become one of its minions. I am afraid that after I have my last drink, the halls of Cragstone will not see my face ever again, and be better for it. I leave my old home, and my old friends in order to betray everything I ever held dear. Sorrow is my only companion. Death, my only freedom.

Those left within the tattered remnants of my old order will soon realize that I care not what befalls them. If they wish to follow me, then it will be into total destruction, for I go now not to save Dereth from the Heretic, but to destroy it. Tonight, I seek out the bridge, which will lead me to my destiny.

*leers at the occupants of the tavern, spits on the floor, throws the remnants of his ale against the wall shattering the tankard, throws his crown into the fireplace, and leaves the tavern.*